Twinism of the Week: Identity Crisis

I am going to be truthful here. This issue has bugged me all my life and it’s tiring. I have always felt like Kristen is prettier than me. You might ask why? You both look the same! Not true at all. There are differences you can tell once you get to know us. My sister is taller, has shorter hair and is curvier, mainly in the chest region. Grrrrrrrrr. That is a big difference, mind you. I‘m not saying I hate my body it just feels like I am not a twin when my sister looks different. Why are twins not created equally? Even identical twins have differences. Kristen and I are fraternal twins, so it would be expected that we look different. But for being fraternal twins we look a lot alike, in the face. LOL.

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When my sister gets skinnier I think maybe I should lose some weight. When she cuts her hair shorter, I am wondering if I should just cut mine so we can still look alike. I have to admit she dresses sexier but she has the boobs to do it! I could go out and get boobs just the same size but I don’t want to shell out all that money. The big thing is I like the way I am but being a twin sometimes I question everything about my image. I like when people ask if we are twins or comment about it. It makes me feel special that somebody noticed. But when my sister wears more makeup and dresses slightly sexier I feel lost, left behind because she seems to be this whole different person than the Evil twin I know.

I have my own personality, my own likes and dislikes. We even have our own friends. I am the smiley happy-go-lucky twin and she is the serious need-to-get-things-done twin. I have always thought I liked being different in that aspect, which I do. But when it comes to appearance I want to look as much like her as I can. In high school I was called the “cute” twin and she was the “sexy” twin with all the boyfriends. I would be the left over twin guys dated to be closer to my sister. They used me to get to her or just thought I was like her. Fat chance on that. So I vowed never to date Kristen’s boyfriend’s friends again.

I want to have the twinness that I feel when we look alike. My Mom will say “Oh Kristen you look good!” or “Kristen you look cute today. Love the hair.” Blah blah blah. I am never mentioned when we go out together. My sister always gets the compliments. I finally ask my Mom why? She said it was because Kristen needs the compliments to feel better. She is always sad. What am I? Chop Liver? I finally had it and told my Mom it would be nice to compliment me too. My self-esteem hits a new low every time my sister is complemented while I am with her. Don’t get me wrong! I love that people notice her but what about me? I am standing right next to her, my twin, and no one sees me. I want to be recognized too.

Being a twin can be stressful. I love having my sister as my best friend who knows me inside and out. Lately, we don’t talk as much. We don’t go out together and just do fun sister stuff. She is busy with friends, which is great. However, she always cancels on me the last minute when we have plans for her friends. She wants to be a better friend. What about being a better sister and supporting me? She canceled out on two major events I had for my book club because she was hanging out with friends. I seem to be canceled on a lot lately, not just by my sister.

Enough, with my pity party! So it just goes to show that twins can have an identity crisis. We want to be our own person when we are young, not the twins. When we are older we want to be the twins we use to be, not the adults we have become pulling each other apart. It’s tough. And I find myself buying clothes thinking, Kristen would wear this….

So do you have an identity crisis whether it’s siblings or friends?

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